dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
New York to be Host to Americaâ€™s Biggest Singles Event
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Kylie Jenner Wasnâ€™t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???