i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
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he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
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He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.