I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"