Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER