Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.