And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?