I wish I could punch you in the face.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
