i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
