There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize