wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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