Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
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PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
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Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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