Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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