hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
