I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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