i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
