we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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