Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
That accounts for only three of the penises
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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