And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
