Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
