Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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