You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
