did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
