I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
