three words: i give head
three words: not that well
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
