You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
