I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
