I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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