I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
