I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
