Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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