I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize