so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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