i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
