I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
