I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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