This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
