This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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