On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
