You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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