Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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