i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
false alarm. still invincible.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
