am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
