I saw his package. It spoke to me.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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