i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
