Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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