I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
