i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
