so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
