Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Is Oprah even human
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize
