My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
