I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
