Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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