Cold hands, warm shart.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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