dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
