The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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