seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
