nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
