dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Randomize
