if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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