I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
