I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
