who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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