i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
