a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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