I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
