did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
barbara walters just said penis...
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
