I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
