i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
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My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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