Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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