I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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