I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
