Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
