Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Randomize
