I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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