I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
