did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Randomize
