Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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