Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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