For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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