no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
