Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
